From the invitations to what you should wear, all your same-sex most-asked wedding questions are answered here by our guest writer, Nikki Yazxhi, editor and creator of Bella Mumma.
What should we put on our invitations?
The rules for writing your invitations is pretty much the same as for everyone getting married. Simply put, you should follow the same etiquette as all couples and include date, time, dress-code, and always to remember to take into consideration who is hosting the wedding.
Do we need to invite unsupportive family and friends?
When it comes to working out the guest list and whether you should invite unsupportive friends or family, the best way to be is to be diplomatic is to follow the who's-paying-for-what rule. If your parents are paying for most of the wedding, you may need to invite relatives that have made their anti-gay-marriage views known in the past, just to keep the peace. {The chances are that someone who is unsupportive probably won't show up anyway.} On the other hand, it's a completely different story if you and your partner are paying for the day. In that case only invite who you want to invite and explain that you're simply not comfortable asking unsupportive people to attend your special day. Just remember, it comes down to you and what you stand for. Don't let anyone ruin your big day.
How do we sort out ceremony seating?
In a classic wedding its customary for the bride’s family to sit on the left hand side of the service and the groom’s family sits on the right during the ceremony. But when you have two brides or grooms, this can get a little confusing. So, when planning a same-sex wedding, a simple way around this is to have sides allocated by your names, or simply let you guests pick a seat and not a side.
Who pays for the wedding?
This is a question that every couple faces. The custom of splitting the costs between the bride and groom’s family is slowly dying out and today many couples are covering the bill themselves. That said, paying for the wedding often comes down to who can afford it, and it's great when parents offer to help out. A lot of modern couples are splitting the costs three ways (between yourself, and both your parents), or asking each side to invest in what they're most passionate about, whether it's the food, the music, or the venue.
What do we call everyone in our bridal party?
It’s your day and you can give the participants in your wedding party any title you like. You can be as traditional or nontraditional as you want. Brides could use "bridesmen" or "men-of-honour” while grooms may have "groomswomen," "groomsmaids," or "best women." Or, you could go completely genderless and go with “attendants” or "party people.”
What do we wear? Who wears what?
Follow your personal style and wear what you’ve always dreamed to wear for your big day, whether it be it a classic suit-and-gown combo, double tuxedos or double bridal gowns. If you both opt for the same look— wearing menswear, womenswear, or something ungendered—you have two options. Either you each go with your own individual style, or you factor in what works together and coordinate your looks with each other and/or your wedding theme.
What should the processional order be?
When it comes down to it, it's really about personal preference and most couples are bending the traditional rules to customise their ceremonies. You can ask a person of mutual importance to escort the two of you on each arm, or walk one behind the other with your respective parents. If neither one of you is being 'given away,' you can both walk down the aisle the altar hand-in-hand.
What titles should we use for the pronouncement?
You could go with 'husbands,' 'wives,’ 'partners,' or keep it simple and be pronounced as ‘married’ or ‘equally wed’. It's your wedding and your identity, so call yourselves whatever you want! On stationery like invitations and thank-you notes, you could also use the gender-neutral Mx. instead of Mr. or Mrs.
Who takes who’s name?
The majority of same-sex couples keep their own names. It’s only when children are involved that there's a greater likelihood that they will hyphenate or adopt one name or the other. The important thing to remember is that traditional stereotypes don't apply. If one woman takes another's name, it doesn't mean she takes on the 'wife' role.” There's no right or wrong answer to this question; it's up to you and your partner to decide. You may want to go by two last names, two middle names, or a blend of surnames. Just remember to also keep the law in mind and what's legit when altering your name.
